do you ever hear your heartbeat in your ears at the smallest things
being asked a question about what you're doing. asking for clarification on something insignificant. being seen doing something new. playing a game someone else really likes. they all feel so little but they all make me feel like i should hide until the sun goes out
maybe im just awkward i dunno. i dont have an anxiety disorder i've been told this. i just. it feels like im in danger every single time
something as simple as starting a new hobby it makes me feel like i should hide it so that nobody ever knows i do change because being asked any questions feels like the end of the world
there's truthfully no point to this i just need to finally say how afraid i am. afraid of you the stranger reading this who now knows my thoughts and afraid of the friend behind the screen who i cant bring myself to respond to and afraid of the caring people i live with who check on me, afraid of the one who may actually check this page and ask, and those who i dont think look anymore or even know this exists
im sorry im afraid of you
please return to your seat in the audience and keep being there to watch the show
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