why am i still so tired
its summer over here. for at least a few months im finally free from pressure and expectation yeah? no more letters to fear no more dreading the morning no more having to tell people i cant talk because im busy working
but. im still so tired. nothing feels different. im still so tired. i still have shit to do. maybe its greedy of me but i just want a few days where its all up to me what i do with myself for the day maybe its selfish but i dont want to do anything that i didnt explicitly decide ever again. i dont want to see anybody that i didnt engage with i dont want to feel anxious i dont want to feel obligated to do anything at all. and thats. very, very greedy. i know that. it wont happen.
it doesnt really need to its not like im miserable im just tired. i have so many great amazing things im just so tired i just need everybody except my favorites to go away and i dont want to go outside and i just want to relax fully and feel free. that wording is really . really dramatic but i dont know how else to put it.
then again if i were given a whole day with just my wants i'd probably waste it watching youtube or something waiting for someone to tell me what to do .
i probably sound like im like really burnt out but i really shouldnt feel this way i have it so much better than so so many people. i dunno. i just gotta complain sometimes. its good for you right. i think so. someone find a source i can cite for that. trust. what confirmation bias
ok lol im done whining umm umm im gonna go drink vinegar or something...
